Dreams and Engine Oil
by PaperPrince
Summary: Formally "Its not easy being green". A series of mostly unrelated one shots about Keenser and Scotty. kind of like my Doctor Doctor story but more mushy.
1. Chapter 1

It's not easy being green 

The market is bursting with strange aliens milling about, exchanging goods and services for federation credits and other foreign currency. The specifics are lost on Keenser as his line of vision is limited to the waists and legs/ tentacles of the alien shoppers but even down at his level the spices wafting from the stalls burn his nostrils. In the disorder that is the bazaar it doesn't take long for his hand to lose its grip on Scotty's. The tide of people drag him away, pushing and shoving him in all sorts of directions until he can't remember the way back to the ship and is sick with dizziness.

Eventually he finds himself along the edge of the market, where the stalls are more spread out and the crowds less thick. Keenser searches his pockets for his communicator but only finds the packet of sandwiches Scotty had made for him. Biting in to cheese, pickle, tomato and chunks of perfectly normal beast he tries to formulate a plan.

At first he tries to locate Scotty using their telepathic link but discovers the planets magnetic energy causes too much of a disturbance. He then resorts to look for some of the other crewmen on shore leave, a task that proves difficult despite their highly recognisable uniforms. Asking the locals proves problematic due to communication problems, namely they don't seem to understand standard and keep directing him to the nearest toilet.

Frustrated and tired he decides to rest for a bit underneath one of the strange lumpy purple trees. This proves to be a mistake for its pollen quickly puts him to sleep. While asleep Keenser is captured and dragged to the auction arena to be sold. Somehow he manages to sleep through the bidding war that erupts over him and the argument that follows which involving phasers and some random redshirts dying. Eventually he comes around on one of McCoy's biobeds with Scotty leaning over him that he even realises he's somehow found his way back to the ship.

"Sup man? wanna sandwich?" asks Scotty holding out a plate.

"Alright"


	2. Chapter 2

**Kind of sappy chapter, not very funny but sort of sweet!**

It just wasn't fair. Just when all of his hard work is about to pay off they waltz into the ice fortress ready to rescue him and Scotty. Well that's not exactly what happens but that's beside the point, anyway who do they think they are taking him away without warning. It shouldn't be alright federation or not they shouldn't be able to take away someone's (nearly) fiancée just because they've finally realised just how cleaver and useful he really is.

It's not just the half rescue that bothers him; after all he's been left on his own before. It's the timing. Scotty had surely been on the edge of proposing. After weeks of blessed isolation together the two of them had grown closer than ever trying to fix up the rotting station together. In fact Keenser hadn't received so much of Scotty's undivided attention since their academy days. Even if they were cold and starving at least they had been together.

It hurts somewhat to think of him alone in space facing danger and death. But Keenser knows it's important he go, that Scotty helps prevent the twisted dreams of a monster come true Not just for the universes sake but also for their new born cub.


	3. LOVE

Five reasons/ incidents that let Scotty know Keenser is "the one"

ONE -Keenser doesn't laugh at him when a calibration problem during first year training causes a magnificent explosion that nearly destroys half of engineering but instead helps come up with an elaborate cover story for the both of them.

TWO-Keenser doesn't judge when Scotty has yet another bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, nor does he make fun of Scotty's food babies.

THREE-Keenser gets him a hat. "You know 'cos hats seem all the rage this year..." He says like sorta casual but is actually talking utter smeg, but Scotty doesn't mind because at least he now has something to cover his balding head.

FOUR-Keenser actually likes the smell of engine oil and doesn't mind when Scotty comes home reeking. (More often then not Keenser smells of it too.)

FIVE-That Keenser's home world is the only other society in the (known) universe to have invented and thrived on whisky, kilts and nettles.

There are of course thousands of other things as well, like the way Keenser fits in his arms, his smile, his far-reaching knowledge of star ships, their shared love of what McCoy calls stupid boys projects and the way Keenser likes to snuggle when it's cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note in this story Keenser is a girl. Yes I like to play around with things like this.**

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><p>" 'scuse me" says Scotty tapping Kirk on the shoulder to get his attention.<p>

"The ships not gonna blow up is it?" asks Kirk staring at the eccentric engineer.

"What? Oh the ships fine, I was just wonderin' if it was alright if I gave the missus a call. Don't wanna worry her that's all." says looking at the acting Captain expectantly.

"Hey sure man do what you want. Mi astronave es su astronave." Replies Kirk patting Scotty on the back as he does so, assuming the conversation is over he turns back to the screen of stars.

"Only I need someone to log me into the system" says Scotty, his face crinkled up into that face people make when they don't want to be a bother but really need something done.

"I'm also gonna need some cables"

It doesn't take long to sort Mr Scott out once viz kid Chekov is on the case.

Unfortunately for the bridge crew Scotty manages to talk the kid into letting him use the main screen, which means they are forced to sit and listen to Scotty's personal call while pretending to work.

(Not that there is much to do but wait for the enterprise to be towed back to earth like some broken down 20th century automobile).


	5. But he's not a pet!

"What do you mean I can't take him?" Says Scotty as he blocks the ramp to the ship with his large duffel bag. Ignoring the stares from the lengthy queue gathering behind him and Keenser as Keenser tries to make himself even smaller out of embarrassment.

"Rules are rules, no pets sorry" says Lt Cupcake looking somewhat bored. Trust him to get stuck inspecting personnel property before takeoff. It's not fair, just by doing his job everyone now hates him. It's not his fault their stuff doesn't agree with federation policy.

"What? But Terry's not a pet! He's our child" Says Scotty with such conviction that Cupcake eyeballs him, secretly wondering if the man in front of him is sane.

"What haven't you ever heard of two men in a stable relationship adopting a kid before?" "Yeah, but that's a tribble" "What's that got to do with anything?" Snaps Keenser, who is starting to get annoyed by this whole business and just wants to go lie down.

"He's in a cage!" "It's a carry case!" Cupcake just stares at them. Do they really expect him to believe this nonsense? "Look I can't let him on alright ! "" I'm calling your supervisor!"


	6. Chapter 6

10 (Probably) ridiculous rumours about Scotty and Keenser 

"They climb on things just so they can jump onto the back of their lover and surprise them, you know?" "Really? Whatever for?" "It's part of their mating ritual apparently"

"I heard Scotty won him in a poker game" "Really? I thought the opposite was true"

"Apparently they, that is his species, produce a pheromone similar to the smell of engine oil in order to tell a potential mate they are in heat" "No wonder he likes Scotty then, they must be at it like tribbles"

"I heard he's really possessive, won't even let him go down to the surface of them alien planets in case Scotty meets some alien princess or something" "Really? But I swear they had a tryst with Kirk"

"According to a friend of a friend, Keenser caused the whole incident with the dog just to be alone with Scotty." "But I thought he bribed the Admiral!"

"Look don't tell anyone but Keenser tops, if you get me ;)"

"Someone told me Scotty rescued him from an ice cave and nursed him back to health using porridge and green tea"

"Well according to nurse Brian, Scotty is having his kid" "Nu uh Keenser is the one that's pregnant, you'll see"

"Apparently Keenser refuses to wear the female uniform, 'cos as a feminist she thinks it's too demeaning " "No Scotty makes her wear the male one so the Captain doesn't hit on her"

"I heard that the banging that comes from the ship is them making out in the Jefferies tubes"


	7. Chapter 7

With the ship teeming with little orphan Vulcans it doesn't take long for Scotty child rearing talents to be discovered and abused by the worn out nurses.

"You make an excellent farther" they tell him once they've finally put the last of the little ones to bed "you must have had a lot of practice with Keenser" Says chapel taking a sip from her mug. "oh aye" replies Scotty misunderstanding her meaning. "Three litters aren't exactly easy to handle, but my they grow up quickly. Look here's a photo of my wee sprogs at graduation."

**Note in this fic Keenser and Scotty have been married for about 18 years. Also keenser's race is faster to mature.**

**Sorry it's just a mini update, but I have a presentation due!  
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	8. Scotty and the vulcan

Scotty and the Vulcan

It hadn't been Kirk's idea of fun but Spock had insisted he introduce himself to the various members of the crew and spend time getting to know them personally. So that's what he was doing, having tea with his chief engineer's other half. Considering that Scotty's other half was a small green male alien, the meeting wasn't weird at all. Well at least that was what Kirk kept telling himself. At the very least the creature gave him tea, which turned out to be better than what the nurses had offered him (and that had been very good indeed).

"Here" says Keenser shoving a digital picture book into Kirk's hands. Jim stares at the photo in front of him not quite understanding what it was he was looking at. "Scotty young in band, hot" Explains Keenser pointing to the pale kid with the ginger mohican in a kilt. Jim almost disagrees but thinks better of it; he doesn't want to be attacked by yet another alien crewman who has been emotionally compromised after all. Keenser gets up to make yet more tea, when Jim's eye catches sight of a face to the edge of the photo. "Is this..." Keenser nods his head and taps the corner of the photo bringing the video to life.

Strange lyrics blast the Captains ear drums as the beat intensifies as the song progresses. Scotty being the front man dances about awkwardly on stage but Kirk hardly notices for his eyes are fixed on the bearded guitarist. "That Officer Spock, he was in Scotty's band. He very good guitar player,fun at academy gatherings" Says Keenser noticing his interest. "I have lots of videos of band, you want some?"


	9. There's a problem with me plumbing

"I like being a lass, it's exhilarating" says Scotty playing with his bouncy curly hair. "And just look at these legs" He says sticking out his pins and showing them off. "Aye now that's a pair of legs worthy of a kilt" he says admiring himself, or rather she says admiring herself.

"Um that great and all I guess" says a now female Kirk "but would you mind trying to work on a way to fix this mess and return our male bodies to us, cause I don't think I can handle wearing a skirt for much longer" " I fink the kweptain is jealous" says Chekov's female form which like Scotty seems to be an improvement on his regular self. "Am not" retorts Kirk folding her arms over her rather flat chest crossly. "Just get us back on the ship alright! Ensign get that make up off, else there'll be trouble when we get back..." "Aye and to think you were jailbait before" Adds Scotty as she surreptitiously adjusts her underwear. Chekov just looks at his superiors and smiles "I'm cute da?"

Half an hour later the three of them finally manage to materialise in the transporter room "Um Captain are you wearing a dress? Also who are you lovely female companions?" asks Uhura , wondering what sort of unnatural occurrence had happened during the meeting with the feminist society of the klur ( which had been scheduled to finish hours ago)and if the Captain had secretly traded Chekov and Scotty for some hot female totty.

"Danne recognise us lass?" asks Scotty straightening out her uniform slightly before striding over to the transporter controls and fiddling with the settings a bit. Chekov and the Captain are left to explain the current situation to Uhura before the three of them are dragged off to sickbay by a rather concerned McC oy.

"Should have come to see me straight away, for diagnosis" moans Bones before adding "Technically the three of you are fully female as a result of the head priestess manipulating you genetic structures. But well Jim you look more like a she-male then anything, I suppose you went first didn't you. Well don't worry I'm sure we'll figure something out eventually..." Grumbles Bones getting a extra strong shot of birth control ready for Jim. "I'm not sure who would sleep with you as you are now, but I'm sure you'll figure things out soon enough" he adds pressing the hypo into the captain.

"Ow" yelps Scotty drawing the attention of all of sickbay. Rubbing her sore derrière she turns to find Keenser standing behind her in the doorway. "Heard you were back" he tells her. Disregarding the fact that the small alien had just grabbed her behind Scotty pulls the little fella into a hug only to have him grab at her ample assets. "Oh you wee monster! Come on lets be getting back to engineering, we've some experimenting to do".

"They're not working on a way to fix this are they?" Says Kirk as the two engineers disappear. Chekov just shrugs her shoulders and continues to file her nails.

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><p>If you don't understand some of the wording used in this fic then just Google them!<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

**I felt like writing something about Scotty and Keenser from a different point of view for a change.**

Scotty is almost nine when his dream is realised. After months of gruelling tests and evaluations his parents are finally allowed to adopt a child and give him the little sibling he has always wanted. Shortly before his new wee brother arrives his mother sits him down. Gently she explains that due to the number of children needing loving homes and the length of time they have to wait in care his brother won't be a little baby in a crib like he (and the rest of the family) had been expecting, but rather a child nearer to his own age.

Scotty being the remarkable child he is isn't disappointed in the least for as he tells his mother it just means he won't have to wait so long to have someone to play rocket ships with and help with his experiments. Nor does his smile falter when a tiny green alien gets out his father's hydro-car, if anything his smile gets bigger. Scotty is the first one to embrace his new little brother while his elders, the ones who should know better, look on stunned. Scotty is also the one who grabs his rough hand without hesitation as he drags Keenser off to play in the back yard with Scotty's imaginary friend Rupert. Unintentionally leaving his relatives to encourage his delighted parents out of the whole thing before it's too late to return "it".

Suffice to say his parents don't listen and a lot of Scotty's relatives aren't invited back for Christmas or New Year's. Despite the negativity of others and some teething problems (Keenser literally won't stop climbing the walls) it doesn't take long for Scotty's happy family of three to adjust to being an even happier four. They do the normal things families do together like feed the ducks or go on picnics and everything is wonderful, amazing. Every day the house is full of laughter and excitement along with one or two minor explosions. And at the end of every day after story time there's an extra someone to kiss goodnight.

When Scotty's almost nine he asks his parents for a brother but instead he gets a best friend.


	11. Is that a baby in the transporter room?

"Transporter room to the Captain, sir I think you better come see this." "Is there some sort of problem?" "I guess you could say that sir yes!" Kirk sighs "Alright I'll be there in a few, wait should I bring McCoy?" "That would be best Sir"

"Nobody is bleeding are they?" Asks McCoy. Throwing a medi-kit at Kirk as he rushes into the lift. "Dude don't throw things at me, I'm the Captain not your assistant!" Moans Kirk irritably. McCoy just gives him a glare and tells him to "shut the hell up farm boy".

Once in the transporter room it takes a moment for the two of them to work out what exactly the problem is. No one is bleeding or dying as far as they can see, in fact the room is empty save for Harris who called them down here and Keenser who seems to be holding an adorable ginger baby human and Scotty. "Wait, where is Scotty? Wasn't he meant to be returning from vacation with Keenser?" Asks Kirk, looking round the room trying to spot the eccentric Engineer. McCoy doesn't answer instead gazing at the baby in Keenser arms. " Smurf! Don't tell me the transporter's acting up again" mutters Bones.

"What? That's Scotty?" Kirk stares at the bundle in disbelief. Isn't it just his luck isn't it thinks Kirk that his chief engineer goes on holiday for a month leaving him in the lurch, only to return de-aged. "Talk about rejuvenating breaks, any longer and we wouldn't have a CEO at all!" It seems to Jim that Keenser been affected by the beam as well for he's making a strange clicking noise with his tongue and waving his free hand about weirdly.

"What should we do?" Asks Kirk, whispering into McCoy's ear so not to alarm Keenser any further. "Jim calm I don't think he's gone crazy rather I think he's trying to tell us something, but I'll be damned if I know what. If only Uhura was back already, she knows how to translate kut." "Well I suppose we better get on and sort this mess out huh Bones"

That said Keenser is reluctant to hand the baby over even after security has been called. The two burly guards seem at a lost as to what to do with the upset alien and instead pace around the room trying to figure out a plan of action.

Just as things are really beginning to get ugly the transporter beam suddenly turns itself back on and a glittery figure appears on one of the pads surrounded by a mass of unidentifiable objects. As the objects solidify it soon becomes apparent that the many boxes and bags are shopping. From behind a giant stuffed elephant stands the figure of a crew member, their features obscured by the animal in front of them. Kirk and McCoy just gap at each other and the scene before them completely lost for words.

"If you danne mind I could do with a wee bit of help here with the things for the baby" Says a familiar voice from behind the stuffed animal. "Scotty, that you?" "Aye Captain" "But if your there and that's there...Then where'd this baby come from?" "Ah well now I'm sure your old enough to figure that out for yourself sir. Now if you excuse me I've a nursery to set up."


	12. Chapter 12

**This is going to be my last chapter for Dreams and engine oil as I intend to start something new. Sorry it's so short. However I still really like this paring so may revisit it in the future.**

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><p>"So is that a yes then?" asks Scotty yelling loudly over the blaring alarm that means everyone will be dead in less than five minutes. Keenser stares up at him, his face unreadable. Around the bridge everyone else has stopped and is breathlessly waiting for the result, ignoring the alien ships firing at the hull. Darkness descends as the alarm cuts out and the screens go blank, signalling defeat. Somehow though they can no longer see Keenser manages to pull Scotty down into a heated kiss. "Aye that's a yes" Wheezes Scotty when they break for air. The lights flicker on all too soon and a voice from above in the observation room calls out over loud speaker. "Congratulations Mr Scott you have failed your practice mission miserably, resulting in the death of your crew and the victims you were sent to rescue. Class is dismissed." Though few had actually been aware of their romance before Scotty's sudden outburst, everyone seems reluctant to leave before congratulating the two happy engineers.<p> 


End file.
